Nanaimo: The Zoo City?
April 1, 2014
This Report just in from David Brown who notes that it is: “Reprinted with the permission of the Nanaimo Tribune. Never say that this Blog does not print GOOD NEWS STORIES!”
Councillor Branson is excited that the new position of Manager of Endothermic Relationships has now been filled. Councillor Branson has been the driving force behind filling this major gap in the City’s Management Structure.
She warmly welcomed Mito C Hondria to the City’s Management Team. Mito
previously held a similar position in Parkdale, California. Mito stated
that he was eagerly looking forward to putting on his “jersey” and helping
the team carry the ball down field. “Our goal – first in Endothermic
Relationships. I welcome all citizens aboard.”
Mito will head a new department which is expected to have five full time
employees when completely operational. Mito’s annual salary of $175,000.00
is said to be competitive with other managerial positions of this type in
urban areas in the 80,000 to 120,000 population range. Councillor Branson
noted “You can not expect to be able to hire qualified people unless you are
willing to compete in the market”.
Mito advised that his primary concern would be Cervidae, Procyon lotor and
the Leporidae family, all of whom have significant established presences in
the City. Then he added with a laugh “this is the Harbour City, is it not.
We will not overlook Phoca vitulina.”
Mito emphasized the importance of outreach. He related that scientific
advancements have made possible a wide range of collaborative communications
with Non-Hominid Endotherms (NHE’s).
Councillor Branson has long been concerned about Negative Interactions (NI’s)
between NHE’s and Personal Transportation Devices. It is estimated that NI’s
resulted in over one hundred Cervidae Termination Events in the City last
year alone. Mito noted that a recent U.S. study that found that NI’s
resulted in an annual loss to the American economy in excess of ten million
dollars.
Mito said that he was not concerned that he could join another recently
hired manager now rumoured to be occupying a small, windowless room in the
basement of a certain building expected to collapse in the next big
windstorm. He said that he was assured by City Management that he will be
fully involved in the planning process for all future infrastructure
developments. He emphasized that roads and neighbourhoods need to be
carefully calibrated to ensure species compatibility. He outlined how
Parallel Movement Corridors were used in Parkdale to reduce and in some
cases eliminate NI’s.
Another example cited by Mito is species friendly Urban Deciduous Surfacing.
There are fast growing alternatives to rhododendrons and tomato plants which
are appealing to both Cervidae and the Leporidae. Mito concluded “There is
no reason why we can not live in harmony with our deer friends and all the
other urban species. They’ve got to eat too, don’t they!”
Mito admitted there are some additional costs involved in making the City a
better place for NHE’s but in most cases it is just a matter of better
planning. Councillor Branson said that she will be proposing a per capita
allotment in the $5.00 to $6.00 range to cover these costs.
Mayor Ratting joined Councillor Branson in enthusiastically supporting this
initiative. He predicted that it will provide the City with a seminal
tourist attraction. “We have been the Hub City; we have been the Harbour
City; we have been the Bathtub City; now we will be known as the Zoo City.”
Story by M. Musculus
Posts and Comments on Nanaimo Governance 
The Mayor also announced that an exothermic extractor would be added to the new equipment being installed in the Council Chambers. As we all know the proposed Procedures Bylaw will not be sufficient to handle all the hot air present in the room from time to time. The City Manager is expected to table a detailed cost analysis of the matter at an in-camera meeting later today. He defended his action by eliminating three more positions in the Legislative Branch. An employee in the Sanitation Department was heard to remark something about it not really being a case of failing infrastructure.
Mexico City earthquake: Richter 8.3 September 19, 1998. Epicenter Acapulco, 174 miles SW distant. I saw the extensive damage even 10 years later!
Nanaimo earthquake: Richter 6.7 April 24, 2014. Epicenter Pacific Ocean, Kyoquot, 162 miles NW distant. No damage. I felt a brief and gentle rumble as I sat at my desk!
I notice, particularly, no damage reported at 230 Franklyn Street: obviously it is well engineered seismically.
Therefore may I suggest all city personnel, equipment and facilities be evacuated from the C$16,000,000 Dunsmuir facility and returned to 230 Franklyn.
I propose the Dunsmuir facility be converted to useful social services accommodation: i.e. meals and accommodation for Nanaimo’s aged indigents.
Further, I demand the current council and staff be reprimanded, indeed given good-bye tickets, for foisting this grotesque Dunsmuir boondoggle on the tax-payers of Nanaimo all in the name of seismic security!
I am surprised even this has not aroused a slumbering Nanaimo bureaucratic prairie-retirement continent.
ALERT: DO NOT VOTE ANY INCOMBENT COME NOVEMER!
I notice, particularly, no damage reported at 230 Franklyn Street: obviously it is well engineered seismically.
Therefore may I suggest all city personnel, equipment and facilities be evacuated from the C$16,000,000 Dunsmuir facility and returned to 230 Franklyn.
I propose the Dunsmuir facility be converted to useful social services accommodation: i.e. meals and accommodation for Nanaimo’s aged indigents.
Further, I demand the current council and staff be reprimanded, indeed given good-bye tickets, for foisting this grotesque Dunsmuir boondoggle on the tax-payers of Nanaimo all in the name of seismic security!
I am surprised even this has not aroused a slumbering Nanaimo bureaucratic prairie-retirement continent.
ALERT: DO NOT VOTE ANY INCOMBENT COME NOVEMER!
“Mexico City earthquake: Richter 8.3 September 19, 1998.”
Correction: September 19, 1988.